we don’t go back, unless we have to
to places where wounds flesh out
we don’t go there.
we stay confined within the walls of what is pleasant, or at least bearable.
we just do.

yesterday, i was forced to go back
to the doctor’s office where I fleshed out years of infertility and a miscarriage
they have kept the same people around, working the front desk and running the office
so it feels as though you have never left. at all.

i was two hours early, so I sat in the waiting room and rummaged through my purse
i found candy wrappers and plastic Easter eggs and I sighed with parental exhaustion (anyone?)
but how could i complain
all the while knowing couples were coming and going, on an emotional roller coaster..
i watched as women swung the door wide…expressionless, numb. just numb..
coming in for their daily blood draws and sonograms and such…

i wanted to stop them. in my heart, I wanted to stop each of them. grab them by the shirt and tell them one thing.

“no matter what your odds are today, Jesus is Lord of them. trust me, I know…I have two children when they told me I would have none.”

whatever you are battling today, just know…Jesus is LORD over all of it.

can I stop you in your tracks and tug you on the shirt? will you let me look you square in the eye and remind you that God is the creator, the re-builder…the beginning and the end and everything in the middle?

i needed to remember that God was on that journey with me.
that He still is on the journey with me today

i needed to remember what it felt like to be desperate for God to make himself known in my life
and how refreshing it feels to be the recipient of His best.

He wants to walk with us…through it all
He wants us to come out on the other side changed,
so we will feel compelled to tug on other’s shirts and remind each other just how good He is.