my world has seemed a bit flat lately, numbness in parts of me that used to be passionate and bold and it bothers me. apathy. but, it is one of the ways that the body and the mind shield itself from feeling too much of any one thing at once. when my father passed away 26 days after an out-of-the-blue stage 4 cancer diagnosis, i felt too much at once. laid on the floor in my closet and wailed, heaved, trembled on the floor. inconsolable. a part of me died too, and slowly…very slowly… I am awakening to see exactly who this new me is shaping up to be quieter, finding strength in prayer. unwavering, unceasing prayer. wanting to be more and more aligned to His will, and not fall short of it. today i was reminded of what it was that moved me at the core, sitting in a er room, waiting for my mother to get her turn to be tested for a set of recent dizzy spells. the man across from me sat upright in his chair, waiting his turn, too… until he slowly dropped out of his seat and onto his knees, hands grasped behind his neck tucked in a tight ball, he shook and trembled in pain on the floor and the staff were called. i could not sit in my chair....
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